I've put my writing on hold lately - due to other responsibilities and stress - but I've missed it. I miss letting my thoughts out through my fingertips and giving my mind some peace. I know it's just words, but words are the way in which I express my thoughts and feelings. My daughter is an awesome artist. She has a way of expressing her life through drawing. I never developed that ability - so I'm stuck with words. My daughter bought me Olympus DSLR camera for Christmas. I haven't had a chance to read the manual and figure out all the settings, but I'm looking forward to learning to work the camera in hopes of expressing myself through photography. We'll see....

There's been a lot of what we call "stress" in my life lately. I tend to want to blame outside events/people for this, but in reading Dr. David R. Hawkins, I've learned differently. He says that the setup for stress comes from one's own inner values, belief systems, and positions about life. When we talk about stress, we are really talking about the experience of what is stressful within our own consciousness. The body is only responding to what we hold in mind. Stress does not exist "out there"; it only exist within our consciousness. So why would we choose to be "stressed"? I think it depends on where we are on the scale of consciousness. Are we at the level of shame, guilt, grief, and fear? Or have we transcended to the level of courage, willingness, reason, and love? I thought I had at least transcended to courage or neutrality, but reflecting on how how I've reacted to the events lately, I don't think I've quite made it there. I'll remain a student of spirituality forever, I suppose. Learning to adjust my inner values, beliefs, and positions until I cannot be affected by things outside of myself. A Course In Miracles says "it depends on your mind, and as you made it by believing in it, so you can dispel it by withdrawing belief from it." Lesson 6 from ACIM is: I Am Upset Because I See Something That Is Not There. This shall be my lesson to learn for now...

~peace~

Blog site was down for a bit but I got it back up and runnin'! I no longer have the ability to blog from work - the nazi's! But as long as I can pry the laptop from my boys' gaming fingers, I will be updating!

~peace~

It's no wonder that I haven't had time to blog. I've been on two consecutive trips on the weekends to places over 400 miles one way each; my black lab had 6 puppies a week ago; my new female cat is in heat (again); and my two German Shepherd dogs are feeling left out of all of this.

The trips: one to Pigeon Forge, TN with my daughter and 2 sis-in-laws. It was a lot of fun! We got to do the usual "girl stuff" - laughing most of the weekend. We all got tattoos (see previous post) except for my daughter, and we got to see it snow in the mountains. The other trip, last weekend, was to Savannah, Georgia to tour Savannah College of Art & Design (SCAD) with my daughter. That is her #1 pick for college so far - and the city is absolutely gorgeous! The whole family went on that trip (hubby, 2 sons, daughter, & me). Pack 3 big kids in an SUV and drive over 400 miles one way - you learn a LOT about patience! I think each child took a turn at driving all of us crazy. We made several stops to stretch, potty, and gather our wits. I wish I would have taken a picture of hubby's "backwards running" in his attempt to wake up and stretch. College was nice and we all loved the city. Tybee Island was awesome also. We plan to go back in the summer for a longer stay. I've posted pics of Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, Savannah, and Tybee Island on facebook - but will move some over here when I have the time. The trip back home from Savannah was another experience in itself. It began snowing and the temp dropped incredibly fast. We had trouble keeping the windows defrosted/defogged since the air doesn't blow correctly in the SUV anymore (it was NOT hubby's fault when he installed the xm radio). Finally made a stop at walmart to get some wipes for the windshield that would help with the fogging up. We also stopped a few times to play in the snow, but found it wasn't nearly as fun when you had to get back in an SUV to warm up, instead of putting on dry, warm clothes.

Only a few days after getting home from the Savannah trip, our black lab had her illegitimate puppies by our male GSD (who was supposed to breed with the female GSD, who obviously wants no part of that). She had 6 puppies - in the house - and trying to jump on the couch the whole time. Luckily, my mom was there and helped until I could get home. The black lab is 8 years old and has NEVER gone into heat or gotten pregnant. Lesson learned in spaying my dog. So now we have 6 whining, grunting, little black puppies and one mean, irritable momma dog. The 2 big GSDs can't get anywhere near her or the puppies or momma goes for the throat! My female GSD is very jealous. She's sad and wants to stay outside most of the time. We've tried giving her special attention, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

Ok - and in the middle of all this - the new siamese cat we found has gone into heat. She's walking through the house howling and vocalizing in a tone that would scare off a mountain lion. She walks between our legs, in front of our feet, and throws herself down in front of anyone around while hiking her back-end up and rubbing it on anything (legs, sofa, wall, dogs, etc.). She has an appointment to be spayed in 2 weeks. Will we make it until then without completely losing our sanity?

Last but not least, the older cat, Luna, feeling left out and not included, has decided to bring dead mice to the front door. If only she could bring dogfood and steaks....

Made a girls' trip to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN and decided to get another tat. I think I'm addicted....

Came home from work yesterday aching all over and throat hurting so bad that I wanted to swallow novacaine. I stopped by Wal-mart and bought: sucrets, sudafed pe, nyquil, chamomile tea, and a new filter for my humidifier. My bedside table stocked with water, sucrets throat losenges, and nose spray; my humidifier humming in the bedroom, and a nasty dose of nyquil and I was set for a much needed night of sleep. Downside of nyquil is that as soon as it wears off, I'm wide awake and unable to breathe again. I was up several times between 2am and 6am. Deciding at the last "up" time that there was no way I felt like taking a shower and putting on clothes that should be worn to work and not in bed. I pulled the covers up to my chin and fell back into my sickly sleep.

Being in bed all day, even when sick, makes me feel pathetic. My Mom got up this morning with a "brain-splitting headache", her cheeks "feeling so sore and like they were stuffed with cotton" and throwing up stomach contents when she moved. Yet, she got up and took Dad to Wal-mart, made breakfast, lunch, and dinner, AND picked up my neice from school. How does she do it? I don't know...but obviously I take after my Dad more because he is happy to get in bed when he doesn't feel well. I am doing good today to check my email (from bed and laptop) and let the dogs in/out when they forced me.

So - for now, I'm off to drink more hot tea and search for drugs that will knock me out. Take your vitamin C and stay away from me for a few days!!!

~peace~

I must be having an anti-man week. But actually it isn't just my man - it's the kids too. Around my house I do the laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, and dishes most of the time (and most other chores too, besides the garbage, which I only do sometimes). I work full-time and have three kids age 17, 13, and 10.  I would love to read, do yoga, walk the dogs, see a movie, etc. but instead I'm always catching up on something I didn't do the previous day/hour/minute. Needless to say, this gets extremely old and exhausting. If I ask for help, I don't get it 99% of the time. If I demand help, I'm a nag. If I refuse to do it because no one else will, it doesn't get done and everyone complains that there's no clean clothes, dishes, etc. I'm not trying to be a martyr or a victim, I just want help!

What do all you other women do? I know I'm not the only one!! My mom does everything herself and just doesn't expect help. My sister does EVERYTHING, including repairing appliances and vehicles (but I do believe her kids clean their rooms)! Everyone else I know either hires help or the family divides the chores. Do I just enable my family's laziness by doing it when they don't? Am I not hard enough on the kids about their chores? I don't know, but either way, it's tiring.

So - I'm thinking I should just pay a hot dude to come do all my chores and handy work every day. That might motivate me to do my yoga or walk the dog to get in shape! And I certainly wouldn't mind paying him the money; it'd probably save me tons in doctor visits and prescription drugs due to stress and migraines!

~peace~

There's a constant power struggle between my hubby and me. If I make a random statement, he corrects it down to the most minute detail. If he makes a comment, I take it personally - when maybe it wasn't intended that way. The two biggest conflicts: money & parenting. We seem to be unable to discuss these two topics at any length without one of us (or both) getting mad. This morning I made a comment - intending for it to be constructive - instead, it was taken out of context and angry words were exchanged. I admit, the comment was made based on past experiences - but it was made to change the future, not dwell on the past. I know I shouldn't be concerned about what & how he does what he does, but at the time, I felt that it was something that affected the whole family. Now I realize that "I" have to make the change (backup plan) - not expect others to. "Be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi

I also see the ego playing a major role in how we all react. I've tried letting this go when my ego really wants to fight it out. It feels SO MUCH better when I do let it go. But some days/times I just react - knowing immediately afterwards that I let my ego win again. My goal is to learn how to undo my ego!

In approaching the ego, it is well to remember that it feeds off of and is seduced by the energy of negativity of pain, suffering, hate, and guilt to which it gets attached (addicted). It secretely nurtures the 'juice' it gets from being the martyr or the victim, and it loves hatred, being 'right', and revenge. The consciousness level of ego is based on the utilization of the qualities of force, whether they are emotional, intellectual, or physical. The undoing of the ego, consequently, is not by the utilization of moralistic or emotional counterforce but by the use of the power of truth itself.  David R. Hawkins

~peace~

I went to a seminar last night with my bff Jackie. She has resolved to get out and network more this year and I've volunteered to accompany her on most outtings. Last night's seminar was on drop-shipment Internet opportunities. The company gave me some great ideas for creating my own (and Mom's) e-commerce page. The drop-ship thing sounded great - but I haven't met anyone personally that has tried it, so I had commitment issues.

A couple of things the presenter said/did made an impact on me. One of the things he did was wave a $10 bill and asked if anyone wanted it. Everyone kind of mumbled "yeah". He asked again, everyone replied a little louder. The third time he asked, a man went up to the presenter and took the $10 bill. Everyone sighed and the presenter said that when opportunity presents itself - TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, don't just sit there and wait for it to come to you. A little while later, he did the same thing. Can you believe he had to ask twice before anyone got up to get the bill? I have to say - I thought about it, but then thought - this must be a joke. It wasn't, and I missed the chance at $20!

Another point the presenter made that really made me think: He told the story of his "friend" who worked for a company that went through some "downsizing". He said they guy waited through 4 different layoffs - making it through them all, before he even thought that he should have a backup plan if, in fact, he was let go. The friend thought that if he was let go, he'd update his resume and look for another job. The presenter said, "Can you take your resume and buy groceries with it?"  I've been there, done that when hubby went through several unemployment periods. I also went through one "merger" and survived the layoffs - after waiting all day for the knock on my office door and security ready to escort me out. I sort of survived another "relocation" by being given a huge severence package to stay an additional 6 months to migrate projects. With enough notice, I was able to have a job waiting for me. We've worried, scrounged, got behind on bills - and nearly lost our house after losing a job. I'm not saying that a drop-ship site would have gotten us through, but anything would have been better than nothing. We should always be prepared with a backup plan. Now I am determined to do that.

So, with my bff's resolve to get us out in the public eye - and my resolve to create a backup plan, I think we're going to have an interesting year!

~peace~

We all got an email from our Legal Department regarding things to never put in an email. It listed things that would be obvious to someone with a little bit of common sense. But I found a link on the page to other "rules of emails" and thought it was more interesting. People should follow THESE rules more often!

Enjoy!

Went this morning to have trigger point injections in my neck and shoulder. Sounds painful - but it wasn't. I really only felt a couple that was put in the back of my neck. It will be a series of them, so I go back next week for another round. I'm really hoping this helps with the spasms and tension headaches. Right now I can't tell much difference, but hope to by next week. *wish me luck*

Migraines - guess they haven't been too bad. I had one Christmas morning but it was due to lack of sleep. Kids always stay up late (and Santa has to wait for them to sleep) then they wake us up at the crack of dawn. Not planning much tonight (New Year's Eve) so I hope I do not wake up with another. Treximet really seems to be helping with little side effects. The only issue I have with it is that it takes about 30 minutes or so to "kick in". 30 minutes with a migraine seems like forever. The Imitrex injections were almost instant, but I often got the migraine back after a few hours or days.

Ok, enough about pain. :)  Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and will have a happy New Year.

~peace~